Homey’s Adventures Too, Chapter 4 – Odessa
First and foremost, thank you to all who have read my past blog posts and my book, “Homey’s Adventures.”
As promised, I am continuing to post a series of all the chapters of my new book, “Homey’s Adventures Too.” I am now 71 and I decided that I did not want to spend my time haggling with editors, literary agents, and publishers. The main thing I am interested in is to write for your pleasure and mine. So, without further delay, here is Chapter 4:
Chapter 4 – Odessa
It is hard for me to know how to start this chapter because now I know the ending. How I felt at the time was in limbo. No direction and little hope. I needed a friend and a woman that I nicknamed Sexy Cutie seemed to be the right choice.
I nicknamed her Sexy Cutie because she had an uncanny ability to look adorable one minute and very sexy the next. She sent me this one picture with her lips puckered and her eyes showing happiness that was adorable. She was a lawyer turned fitness trainer.
I asked: “Why did you change professions?”
She answered: “I just couldn’t stand all of the corruption in government here in the Ukraine.”
I gave her credit for having that opinion. In my divorce, I had about as much of lawyers as I could stand.
Question: Do you know how you can tell when a lawyer is telling a lie?
Answer: Their lips are moving.
As a fitness trainer, Sexy Cutie had an incredibly sexy body.
When I first started talking to her on, I asked her: “What if I blow raspberries into your belly button?”
Her muscular abs were incredibly sexy.
“Okay, if you want to?”
“I might not stop and go south from there.”
“Maybe I will like that. Hehehe.”
I got to know sexy cutie before I went to Kiev for the second time. She comforted me after I was robbed in Kiev, and she offered to meet me on the last day of that trip. It was too late. I had already started my trip home.
Shortly after I got home, I fell in love with Xena. Sexy Cutie kept sending me chats saying she wanted to be a friend even though I told her I was committed to someone else.
She offered: “You can come to Odessa and see me anytime. We could possibly go from Odessa to Greece by train.”
She knew Greece was the number one destination on my bucket list. This should have told me something about Sexy Cutie. Do you, my reader, know what it is? I will give you a hint: the Colombian lawyer from my first book.
So, I was discouraged by Xena not giving me a date to meet her. Sexy Cutie invited me to come to her. As far as I knew at that time, Sexy Cutie had all the qualities that I wanted. She had grace, character, and loved making love. She loved my first book and I assumed she loved making love.
So, I decided to try one more time and travel to Odessa. I made sure this time that the website approved the meeting, and this meant that she told the website that she wanted to meet me.
When I got to the airport, the airline told me that the first leg of my flight to Baltimore was delayed and there were no other flights. I could not go on the delayed flight because I would miss my connection to Vienna. I only scheduled to be in Odessa for 4 days, so, I insisted that they get me there somehow. They scheduled me for a long layover in Canada, a change of planes at Heathrow, London and then on to Odessa. This added another 10 hours to my trip. I would barely make it for my first date with Sexy Cutie.
I texted Sexy Cutie: “My flight is delayed by weather, but I should be there in time for our date.”
When I got to Odessa, I discovered that they lost my luggage. I had a carry on with some clothes, but my toiletries and underwear were in my lost suitcase. My best sports jacket was also lost. Argh! I planned to wear that jacket on my first date with Sexy Cutie.
The hotel sent a cab to pick me up and I made small talk with the cabby.
He asks me the usual questions: “Have you ever been to Odessa? How long are you staying? If I can help you find something, then call me.”
I inquired: “I was thinking about taking the train to Greece.”
He cut me off: “Greece? I don’t think you can get there by train. Or if you can, it will take forever! My sister went to Bulgaria by bus, and it took two days!”
I was thinking: Sexy Cutie, we cannot go to Greece by train?
I had a text message from Sexy Cutie: “Since you are having travel problems, we can meet tomorrow for lunch. I decided to go to work.”
I texted her: “I am disappointed that you unilaterally cancelled our first date, but I will see you tomorrow at lunch.”
I was thinking: I have traveled over 5000 miles to be with you, and you decided to work instead?
After I unpacked what little I had in my carry-on, I went to search for toiletries and underwear. With the help of the hotel staff, I found a mall and a convenience store. The mall only had women’s clothing stores in it and a fresh produce store in the basement. I did not think I could wear rutabaga for underwear, so, I had to make do somehow.
I went to the convenience store to pick up some toiletries. This was the first convenience store that I have ever been in with an armed guard. No one asked me if I needed help. I am thinking to myself: I guessed I am under surveillance in case I steal some toothpaste.
I noticed that when I was in Kiev the first time, I was watched by the hotel staff. I was getting the feeling that the remnants of the old Soviet culture are still in the Ukraine. No body trusts anybody and everyone is watching for suspicious activity. It seems to be embedded in the culture.
I went back to my hotel. After a 30-hour trip and lost luggage, I had enough. I went to bed.
I got up the next morning. I did my best to make myself look good even though my luggage was lost. I went downstairs to breakfast which was included in the cost of my room. I grabbed a plate and started for the chow. I was accosted by one of the servers.
“I need your room number and name.”
I smiled and gave her my name and room number. She just checked it off and walked off. I was thinking: These people are so cold.
This hotel had a 4.5 star rating out of 5 on Travelocity. It was a small boutique hotel with a pleasant Gothic atmosphere. Online, my room was described as a suite. By American standards, it was a small one room hotel room with an attached bath. It was okay. I was here to see Sexy Cutie.
After breakfast, I did what I usually do when I visit a new place. I explored the area around my hotel. I also went back to the produce market to buy some flowers for Sexy Cutie. I also bought a plastic vase for them. In the Ukraine most things are a lot cheaper than they are in the USA.
When Sexy Cutie arrived at the hotel, I was sitting holding her flowers and vase. I got up and presented them to her and kissed her on the cheek.
She smiled: “Thank you! Is this vase from the hotel?”
“No dear. I bought the vase so that the flowers will last longer.”
She said: “Thank you.”
“Do you want me to put them in my room until after lunch so that you don’t have to carry them around?”
“Yes, thank you.”
So, I went and deposited the flowers.
When I got back down to the lobby, she explained: “I can’t stay long for lunch, I need to go to work.”
I am thinking: She is going to work?
Trying to hide my disappointment, I responded: “Okay where do you want to go for lunch? Over by the mall, there are several restaurants.”
“I don’t have that much time. There is a small restaurant and coffee shop on the corner close by.”
“Okay, let’s go there.”
I tried not to show my inner thoughts: I have traveled over 5000 miles to get here, and she does not care.
During lunch she talked a lot about her father: “My father has worked 12 hours days as long as I can remember. It is difficult to make a living in the Ukraine.”
I thought: Not good. I remind her of her father. Life is different here and harder than it is back home.
“I want to help you in any way I can. I came here to get to know you.”
She did not say anything for a while.
Then she explained:” I am disappointed by my experience on the website. ”
I did not say it but Ii was thinking: Am I another disappointment to her?
“I need to exchange some American dollars for Ukrainian currency. Do you know where I can do that?”
“I will ask our waitress where the closest currency exchange is.”
She seemed to be in a hurry to go. I gestured that we go. The waiter did not know how to handle our leaving so abruptly, so I had to stand around at the cash register until they figured it out. I had more negative impressions: Is this another sign of a formerly Soviet rigid society? Everything is done one way and there is no room for deviation.
She graciously walked with me to find the currency exchange bank. Everything was in Russian. I could not have found it without her.
When we got back to the hotel, I decided I would make sure she knew how I felt. We sat in the lobby on the couch.
I took her hand: “You are more beautiful than your pictures. You are everything I dreamed you would be. I want to see more of you.”
“I will come and see you for breakfast tomorrow.”
“I will go get your flowers from my room.”
I got up and she followed. I thought she was going to follow me to my room, but she abruptly made an about turn and sat on the lobby couch again.
I came back from the room and gave her the flowers. We gave each other an affectionate full body hug. My hands accidentally slipped down to her incredible slim and muscular waist for just a moment. I did this unconsciously, but her waist was even more sexy than I thought it was from the pictures online.
I stupidly did not walk her out to her cab. I just said goodbye in the lobby.
For the rest of the afternoon, I had a lot to think about. Did I pass her touch, feel, and smell test? I have learned that women select men about the same way they go shopping. They must touch, feel, and smell an item or a man before they will buy it. In contrast, a man can fall in love with a picture and a dream about a woman.
In general, I believe women love shopping and men don’t. When a man wants something, he just goes after it. I know I always keep a running list of things I want. I go to the store and buy those things. All women that I have met love shopping for things they do not know they want yet.
As more support for my theory, I refer to the book “50 Shades of Grey”. In the first 3 or 4 chapters of this book, E. L. James discusses how majestic Mr. Grey is. How powerful he is. How handsome he is. How good he smells. His touch is electric and on and on. It bored me to tears, but I can only hope my books have a fraction of the success of the “50 Shades of Grey” series.
I went out again to explore Odessa and get my bearings. Learning my lesson in Kiev, I stayed away from the dark lonely areas. Twilight was approaching and I found myself near the Odessa city hall. Off to the right, there is a bandstand where a lot of people are gathered. I first thought it was a rock band playing music. I moved closer and I saw it was just a drummer playing drums accompanied by a synthesizer behind him. I was a professional drummer when I was younger, and I was impressed by the fullness of the sound even though only the drums were real.
I found that even though the drummer was doing a very good job, the music was cold. I looked around and no one was dancing or even smiling. It was a big crowd, but almost lifeless. I texted Sexy Cutie about my exploration and did not get any response.
When I got back to my hotel room, I was locked out. I went to the hotel desk, and they gave me another key. The new key did not work either. The hotel desk sent for a maintenance man.
I don’t know why, but some people just stick in your mind. The maintenance man was one of those people.
He smiled: “You, I will fix. We go upstairs.”
He was not making a joke, but I found his manner pleasant and up lifting. This was the first warm person I met in Odessa.
He tinkered awhile with my room door and then opened it: “There you go. Good?”
I smiled: “Good.”
I got up the next morning and they delivered my luggage. I now had clean underwear! Yeah! I dressed in my Brooks Brothers sports jacket and went down to the lobby to meet Sexy Cutie.
While I was waiting on a lobby couch, a plump gentleman across from me started talking to me in English:
“Hi, I am from New Zealand. I am here on business. What brings you here?”
“I am here on vacation.”
“Yes, Odessa is a beautiful city. Can you believe how beautiful the women are? They are always done up just right.”
“Yes, I read where the Ukraine has the most beautiful women in the world second only to Brazil. I have never been to Brazil, but I cannot imagine it has any more beautiful women than here.”
Just after I said that Sexy Cutie walked in. I got up and presented her with souvenirs. I gave her a wood carved art picture of palm trees from Haiti, an embroiled handkerchief from Chechen Itza, Mexico, and a caricature of a Mexican Charro with my name on the hat.
“These are for you. They are from Mexico and Haiti and represent my travels in my book and my missionary trip to Haiti.”
She smiled: “Thank you.”
She kissed me on the cheek. I looked back at the plump gentleman on the lobby couch, and he just sat there with his mouth open. When we got outside, I told Sexy Cutie about what we were talking about before she came.
“I think it is hilarious that he brought up the subject of beautiful Ukrainian women and then you walked in, my beautiful Sexy Cutie.”
I then asked: “Where do you want to go for breakfast?”
She apologized: “I don’t have much time. We could go to the same place we went for lunch.”
I sighed a little: “Okay.”
Inside I was hurting by her callous and rushed treatment of me, but I tried not to show it.
During the breakfast, she talked about her parents again:
“My mother is getting dental work and I need to go comfort her.”
She showed me a document: “You need to sign this document from the website and take a selfie with me.”
I suspected this was required by the website because they did not want me to claim that she was a scammer.
“Let’s go buy you a computer so that you can communicate with me after I go back to the USA.”
“I’m sorry, I wouldn’t feel right about accepting such an expensive gift. We can communicate by Skype.”
We then made sure that we had a Skype connection.
I offered: “Do you want me to stay longer so that we can spend more time together?”
“No, I need to work and won’t have time for you.”
I thought about all the things that she said to entice me to come to her. She wanted to go to Greece with me. She wanted me to enjoy her home and her cats while she went to work. I thought to myself: I did not pass her touch, feel, and smell test. She is not attracted to me.
So, I tried my best to be gracious and after breakfast, I walked her to her cab.
After I opened the cab door, she turned around and puckered up to give me a sexy cutie kiss. I started to kiss her, and she turned her head and I kissed her on the cheek.
She offered: “I will see you tomorrow.”
She got in the cab before I could ask when she wanted to meet and drove off.
When I got back to my room, I texted her: “I’m sorry about the errant attempt to kiss. I thought you wanted to kiss. LOL. When did you want to meet tomorrow?”
She did not answer.
At this point, I thought there was little hope of a continuing relationship with Sexy Cutie. I needed to think about what to do next. So, I did what I normally do when I get into a new city. I took a city tour.
After I signed up for the tour, they took me to a tour already in progress. The tour guide was friendly enough. The tour was in Russian and English. So, part of the group waited around for the guide to talk to the other part of the group. I sat next to an older woman from Gibraltar. She waited with me for the English version of the tour. At each stop, sometimes the tour guide started speaking English and at other stops, she started speaking Russian. It was confusing.
We saw the Governor’s palace which was built during the Soviet era and the harbor. We saw the statue of Duke de Richelieu and the steps built down to the harbor.
As a founder, Duke de Richelieu on the Promenade is one of the main attractions of Odessa. His images can be found in the brochures, postcards, and even postage stamps. He was a French aristocratic diplomat that fled from the French revolution in 1803. The statue was of a French born diplomat is dressed in a toga. When I first saw it, I thought it was a woman. My tour guide’s switching from Russian to English and the back to Russian did not help my understanding.
We then saw the triangular buildings that looked like they had nothing behind them. They looked like false buildings on a Hollywood studio set. When you looked around them you saw that the supporting walls in back were at a sharp angle so that you cannot see them from the front (see picture).
When the tour ended, the guide pointed to a park: “There is a love statue over there covered in hearts. It is said that if you touch it with your loved one, you will be with that person forever.”
I went over and touch the statue and took a selfie. I was not thinking that touching it alone meant something else. Was Homey going to be alone for the rest of his life?
Nobody really talked to me during this tour except the tour guide and the older woman from Gibraltar. I learned later that a woman from the website saw me and said she was afraid to say hello. Again, a remnant from the old Soviet rule? Trust no one and watch everyone. They might steal your toothpaste!
Unlike when I went to Kiev. I told everyone on the website that I was going to Odessa and when and why. My thinking was that no one could accuse me of not being straight forward with them. Also, if I failed Sexy Cutie’s touch, feel, and smell test, I could salvage the trip and meet someone else.
I was now reasonably certain that Sexy Cutie would not meet me the next day. So, I decided to test my straightforward approach and see if someone else wanted to meet me. I can tell you now that it did not help. Even the makeup artist that I tried to visit a year before could not meet me.
A nurse that I had never talked to before did want to meet, but she said I had to go through the website. I said I only had a day left and the website meetings take a week or more to get approval. She asked me to try anyway. So, I put in the request.
The next day, Sexy Cutie sent me a text saying she was sick and could not meet. This did not surprise me, and I told her about my effort to let everyone know I was coming just in case this happened. I also told her my straightforward approach did not work any better than not telling anyone.
I also offered: “I am sorry I didn’t meet your touch, feel, and smell test.”
She knew what I meant because she had read my first book.
“What do you mean? You did meet that test for me.”
“When I accidentally touched your waste, it was wonderful!”
“I know it was electric!”
At this point, I was confused. What could she gain by telling me a lie? I did not challenge her response.
Then she offered: “I told you I was shy.”
In one of my conversations with her after I got home, she had made a Freudian slip and said that she was not attracted to me. She also suggested that I try with someone more my own age. This made me angry, and I accused her of age prejudice.
She also told me that her and all her friends faked enjoying sex when they did it. I was thinking: I authored a whole book about love and sex. She probably faked liking my book too.
What I found out was she was not shy. She was cynical.
The moral of this story is that you really do not know someone online until you meet them. I am now suspicious that she may be like the Colombian lawyer in my first book. She may want only forbidden fruit. When I was dedicated to Xena, I was the forbidden fruit. Once she has reached her goal, she was no longer interested.
She was once a lawyer. I suspect a lot of lawyers become lawyers because they are interested in and turned on by breaking the rules. Lying in wait to get a man who is devoted to someone else fits this mind set.
My sister suggested to me that going to a different culture for finding another wife may not work because the culture is so different. I think there may be more truth to this than prejudice. Sexy Cutie is a good example.
I do not want to judge Sexy Cutie. She grew up in a harsh poor environment. I believe that communism is an evil invention that suppresses not only people but cultures. The evil consequences of communism are evident in the Ukraine. I can only sympathize with the poor people there suffering from it.
Sexy Cutie told me her first husband was an abusive alcoholic and cheated on her. However, she did not confirm that when I asked her about it at our breakfast together. To this day, her actions and what she says was confusing. Nevertheless, given her environment and her experience, I can only sympathize with her.
She asked me once online: “If you hate me so much, why do you read my chats.”
My response was: “I don’t hate you Sexy Cutie. I love you and so does Jesus. Jesus commands me to love those that cross my path. I just don’t trust you anymore. Jesus doesn’t command me to trust you.”
End of Chapter 4
I hope you enjoyed chapter 4. I will give you Chapter 5 – Vienna next week. My new book has 32 chapters. So, if you want to receive all 32 chapters as soon as the post is created, then become a follower of this blog.
If you do not want to wait that long and you have not read my first book. I encourage you to go to my website, www.homeysadventures.com. You can read the first two chapters for free, and you can also purchase it. Or you can purchase it from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and many other fine retailers. Just search for it using the words: Homey’s Adventures by Jim Wish.
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